yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
