I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
