some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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