so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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