last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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