she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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