I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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