Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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