you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
