Small penises have feelings too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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