Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
