Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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