I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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