Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just google imaged poop.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
