Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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