She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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