Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
