So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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