Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
