You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
