My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
