Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We left the knife in your bed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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