He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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