it was like his penis was on wheels.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
