It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
