I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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