I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
