I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
