I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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