Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
