he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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