My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
