mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
