oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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