im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
