I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
