Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
