the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
