I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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