she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
