Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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