I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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