Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
