i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
