What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
