You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize