So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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