I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
