I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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