So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
