i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize