my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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