but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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