saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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