just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
