I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
