afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
