so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
