I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
