The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
