I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're making bets on your personal life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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