Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
