he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
