Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
