i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
