Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
